Well, I'm about a month into school and nearly five months out from having Lillian. I can't believe how fast this last month has gone by and I'm so extremely grateful for time to be passing so much quicker. I know that having this job has helped tremendously. Time seems to go by quicker when you have a purpose. I know I didn't want to just bide my time for a year, I want to enjoy the extra year plus some that Brian and I have as a couple. As much as I would love to fast forward through time, I know that I will never be able to get this time back and I don't want to look back and regret not making the most of it. Not to mention, they haven't invented time travel yet. So, I suppose we'll have to make do ;)
I think we've made so much progress after looking back on the months. We are still healing and hurting, but mostly healing. I love my little girl so much and wouldn't trade her for anything, even if I could do it all over again. I would rather have her for 8 short months than not at all. I would rather have to endure this excruciating pain of loss than to not have known the perfect little girl that I carried for the time we had together. I love her immensely and even though this has been the worst experience of my life, I'd do it again. I love you Lillian Denae. Keep sending me ladybugs!
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