Psalm 116

I hate that my posts are getting even more sparse.  I think about blogging often but it seems like I don't have a whole lot of news to update with.  It was a lot easier when I was looking back on things and telling stories of what we've been through.  Now it seems like all I can think of is how much I miss her and wish she were here with us.  I was watching 19 Kids and Counting last night and saw the episode of when the lost their 20th child when Michelle was 17 weeks pregnant.  I cried as I relived those devastating moments of Brian and I staring at a still baby on the ultrasound monitor and hearing nothing in place of her heartbeat.  But, Michelle had such a wonderful outlook on her wonderful little baby's short life.  She said, "When I think of Jubilee, I think of her eyes.  Even though she never got to see my face, the first thing she got to see was Jesus.  That makes me happy."
I thought about Lillian in Heaven and being welcomed by our loving Father.  I can't even imagine what she's seeing and experiencing right now.  I can say one thing, I can't wait to hear all about it.  She is dearly loved and missed but thankfully she doesn't have to feel the pain of losing anyone.

I've been feeling so blessed as life is moving along.  We're about 3 weeks in at school and the topic of children has come up multiple times.  For some reason I can kind of sense if someone is about to ask me that tricky question.  I try and prepare myself best as possible and each time it comes up, the ladies have been so understanding.  I'm still a work in progress but it's getting a little easier each time.

I absolutely love where I'm working at and the ladies are so wonderful.  I remember not too long ago pleading, praying, and sometimes rationally asking God,
"Please find me some place perfect for me.  I don't even know what I want but I know you know."

It seems like He's answered my prayers.  For the time being, I work in a wonderful place with amazing women and best of all, awesome kiddos.  After praying over and over for God to provide the perfect job and feeling uncertain more times than not, I feel like I'm in the place I belong.  The teacher that I work with invited me to her church and Brian and I really enjoy it.  I'm so glad she thought to invite us because we are kind of in transition with churches.  We want to find a church that is a little more personable than where we've been going.  We joined her for the past two services and it's been great.  The other para in my room is a very sweet lady whom by chance (or not so much chance :P) is also an avid couponer!! I couldn't believe my ears when I heard her talking about coupons one day and my mind started going a mile a minute.  Not only do I now have someone who I can exchange tips and deals with, it's like God was adding a little icing on the cake.  I know this is where I'm supposed to be and it's an answer to my prayers.  When I was praying that prayer and pleading with God to help me move on, He listened and answered.  Even though it doesn't always feel like it, God hears my prayers and knows my heart. It's been a slow process but I'm starting to feel as though life is moving on and I know that the other blessings will be on their way in His time.

Psalm 116

1I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

2Because he turned his ear to me,

I will call on him as long as I live.

3The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave^a came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4Then I called on the name of the Lord:

“O Lord, save me!”

5The Lord is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

6The Lord protects the simplehearted;

when I was in great need, he saved me.

7Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.

8For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

9that I may walk before the Lord

in the land of the living.

10I believed; therefore^b I said,

“I am greatly afflicted.”

11And in my dismay I said,

“All men are liars.”

12How can I repay the Lord

for all his goodness to me?

13I will lift up the cup of salvation

and call on the name of the Lord.

14I will fulfill my vows to the Lord

in the presence of all his people.