Lately I've been thinking of Lillian more.  I'm not exactly sure what's sparking it but I've been missing her especially when I look at Evan.  I watch him smile, learn, play, and grow and I know that I will never get to watch my little girl do any of these things.  I am so in love with this little boy who babbles and coos and calls me "dada" all day long (no matter how many times I say, "No, I'm mama").  However, my heart still knows that this sweet, precious little being is only half of my heart.  My sweet angel may be with us in spirit and I know she knows her mama, but I don't know her.  This is a fact I have to accept on a daily basis.  Every milestone and every giggle holds a silent grief in my heart for the loss of those experiences with our girl.  I can't get enough of this little guy and I know his sister is watching over him.  I thank God for the time we had with both of our children and pray that Lillian keeps sending us her ladybugs.  Thanks for the support and please say a quick prayer for healing and reassurance for our family.  Thank you, friends.